


Needles and Tabs

by Lina_Love



Series: Fake Chop - Addicted Aleks AU [1]
Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Fake Chop, M/M, Nightmares, No Resolution, Unhealthy Relationships, aleks is mean, basically just aleks on drugs, i made jordan mean, james is sad, oh and the creatures are mentioned, the other cow chop kids are mentioned, this is just really angsty guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 14:48:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16767262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lina_Love/pseuds/Lina_Love
Summary: Aleks needs a way to deal with the loss of friends, and a needle is a good way to forget.o rMe rambling about Aleks being a druggy for a while.





	Needles and Tabs

People looked at Aleks like he didn’t know. Enemies and allies and even strangers would catch his gaze, and he could spot the tell tale sympathetic glances from a mile away. Buried beneath hatred, admiration, and sometimes even fear, he could see how bad people felt for him. How they thought the Russian wasn’t aware of the dark circles under his eyes or the way his veins were an eerie shade of deep blue that wrapped around his pale skin like spiderwebs. Like he wasn’t aware of the pounds he kept dropping like they were some kind of emotional baggage.

Aleks knew.

Aleks saw himself in the mirror every day, sunken eyes, exposed ribs and all.

There was someone who saw more than him, though, and he knew James thought he couldn’t tell. That he couldn’t see the way those soft brown eyes lingered on him for a moment too long, how his energetic smile would fade into a concerned frown whenever he met Aleks’ gaze and saw the hollowness there. 

James felt sick every time he saw the younger man. Every exchange with the Russian sending a roll of nausea through his gut at how different he had become. Aleks was barely sober anymore, the Russian was nearly always under the influence of something illegal.

It wasn’t all hard drugs. James knew Aleks had a ‘fondness’ for heroin and ecstasy, but sometimes he’d catch the other with a bottle of cough syrup--and on blessed days, just a bong. James knew Aleks had gained a tolerance, and he was pretty functional while under the influence of nearly anything, but James still knew. He always knew.

Even on jobs, James knew Aleks was barely there. He was either floating or thrumming with something that pushed down his anxieties and worries. The Russian would clutch his gun close, and sometimes James missed it through the chaos of heists, but Aleks would always be a little more sluggish than everyone else and he’d constantly miss easy shots.

Aleks had been such an amazing shot when he was younger, and James was sure that the other still had it in him, but Aleks hadn’t really been impressing anyone with his performance as of late, tolerant or not, it was a disaster while they were working...

And when the effects of the drugs started to wear off? James knew then too. He knew when Aleks was coming down, because, during those moments, there was a brief glance of the stupid kid that he had known years ago.

Some pathetic thing with long brown hair and teddy bear eyes, small but not helpless, and a clever fucking liar. James still didn’t have as many straight answers as he wanted to have, but Aleks had either been an orphan or a runaway with the street smarts to nearly take one of James’ fingers with a pocket knife before they had brought him in. The potential had been obvious then, and it was still there no matter how deeply it had been buried lately.

He remembered Jordan welcoming the kid with open arms, and he remembered how complete their little gang had felt with Aleks’ addition. He had easily become the baby of their dysfunctional family, and James had sworn along with everyone else that he would die to protect the Russian.

That felt like such a long time ago, though. One by one they had all left, each one of them taking another piece of Aleks with them. Eddie, Seamus, Kevin. One after the other, and the loss of each family member weighed heavy on the teenager’s conscious.

That’s when things with Jordan started to change, a caring friend and leader had turned cold--it only ruined Aleks farther.

James had gotten them out of there when he noticed how bad things were becoming, but it hadn’t been fast enough. He knew how deeply it had cut Aleks when someone like Jordan turned on him, and he knew that had been the breaking point. That’s when Aleks’ recreational habits turned into an addiction, and it happened right before James’ eyes.

Hopeful, doe eyes turned cold and distant, and eventually, there was nothing behind those eyes at all.

James had tried everything to bring to back the light in Aleks’ eyes, but the loss of a family did things to people, and despite the amazing people around them now--Trevor, Brett, Joe, Asher, Lindsey, Anna--all the fantastic individuals that James had practically handpicked to give the boy a new family--they just didn’t work.

They loved Aleks, and he knew Aleks loved them back.

It just wasn’t enough.

James understood the pain of splitting up from a crew, and he knew Aleks’ emotions all too well, but he had embraced the changes. 

Aleks repressed them, and sunk farther into his mind and farther away from anyone who would be able to help pull him out of the pit Aleks had convinced himself he was stuck in.

James would do just about anything to get his Aleks back, the bubbly foreigner he remembered fondly with a flame that never went out. Aleks had been all harsh words and teasing jokes with wide smiles and squinted eyes. The control behind James’ impulsiveness. Two opposites that balanced each other out perfectly with over exaggerated emotions and laughter full of disbelief at each other’s actions. He missed the familiarity of his partner, and he missed the warmth and joy that had all but vanished from his other half.

The ravenette had tried paying for therapy and rehab, but Aleks never lasted long in any of the programs, stumbling away from any form of help and lashing out at James whenever he tried to bring it up again. Those were the moments when emotion was brought back into Aleks’ eyes, but it was dark and angry and all directed at James. It was always enough to make him back off.

He felt guilty that he didn’t push harder, and he knew it was weak of him not to force his best friend out of the addictions that were killing him, but he couldn’t bear the thought of Aleks hating him. The intensity of the negative emotions that rolled off of Aleks in waves were blinding and deafening all at the same time, and he couldn’t bear to be on the receiving end of such controlled and calculated harshness.

Aleks knew what he was doing, the Russian knew just how to cut James and pierce him with words that were sharper than blades. In moments of sheer panic and desperation not to lose any of his fixes, he attacked James ruthlessly so he would just _back off_. It worked, because James knew as well as he did that most of the things he said were not empty threats or lies.

When Aleks hissed out that James had failed him, that James had left him to fall off a cliff he couldn’t climb back from, that James wasn’t good enough or strong enough to protect him--Aleks knew James believed those words to be the honest to God truth.

Aleks knew he was feeding James words that the other needed to hear, _craved_ to hear in order to confirm his own self loathing. In those moments James’ listened to him as if each poisonous word dripping from his lips was gospel.

Sometimes he felt guilty after feeding all of James’ familiar exposed nerves and anxieties, but the relief of knowing he could continue with his habits often drowned out any guilt he felt.

And when Aleks shouted that he’d leave? That he would pack his bags and never look back..? They knew that was the truth too.

They both knew that Aleks didn’t have to stay, and they both knew that if James pushed too hard Aleks would vanish without so much as a goodbye.

The idea of what would happen then scared James more than the controlled substance abuse, and that fear was enough to cause him back off like the coward he was. He could only imagine what would happen if Aleks were to get a bad dose or if he overestimated his tolerance. The bloody aftermath of one of those scenarios haunted him nightly.

The imagery his vivid imagination provided him with while he dreamt made him desperate to keep Aleks close. Nightly images of Aleks’ pale and lifeless corpse with track marks up and down his arms made him wake up sick, but those were the most common and tame dreams. Sometimes James dreamt of Aleks’ keeling over from a heatstroke from overestimating how well his body could run while doing molly at some shitty party. Those ones made him especially ill. 

Other nights he just jolted awake after dreaming of Aleks throwing himself off a roof. James never knew the reason in those dreams, but Aleks never looked high in those dreams. He looked aware and scared and **_hopeless_**. He always woke up as soon as Aleks’ body hit the ground. Those were the nights when James couldn’t get back to sleep.

The only dreams that made him puke were the ones where he found Aleks alone and scared and crying out for him. Aleks was always out of it in those dreams, usually several bottles of cough syrup into a night that was supposed to be fun but just left him shaking with auditory hallucinations that drove him mad. Those dreams were rare, but always stuck with him as nothing scared him more than not being able to help Aleks. The idea of not being able to save the Russian from himself drove him mad.

The vividness and realisticness of the dreams scared the shit out of him. It’s why he kept his mouth shut. It was why he kept his sad glances and worried stares as inconspicuous as possible, and why he swallowed down his sorrow, anger, and disgust whenever Aleks would touch him or curl up beside him. James knew that the feeling of a too skinny body and the scent of sickness and alcohol was a small price to pay when he knew that Aleks was by his side and _safe._

Maybe one day Aleks would leave.

But if that day were to come, James would take solace in the fact that Aleks would have left this world still in love with him. It was a comforting thought to know that he would end up dead shortly after Aleks, be it from his own hand or from one of Aleks’ needles, James would take his life once Aleks’ had dulled out as a punishment for being so weak. 

...Maybe before Aleks died, he’d find the strength to help him, but James knew that today wouldn’t be that day as he felt the bleached blond nuzzle closer to his side. It made James’ heart ache to see how Aleks held onto him like he was the only thing keeping him grounded. It hurt even more to see how he could barely keep his eyes open, and the fresh marks on Aleks’ arm kicked him in the gut.

Today wouldn’t be the day, but maybe he’d try again tomorrow.

Maybe Aleks wouldn’t break him when he did.

Maybe tomorrow would be the start of a beautiful recovery, and no matter how much James knew that it wouldn’t be the case, the only thing that kept him in the moment was that small bit of hope.

_Aleks would get better._

If he said it enough it would be true.

**_Aleks. Will. Get. Better._**

  


**Author's Note:**

> ahusdoasd don't worry guys i hate this too 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated ! They let me know you like what I'm doing and I'm always down to hear ideas you guys have and your thoughts on my stuff.


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